Chronicling a year of cleaning up would make my eyeballs bleed, so I won't be doing that. But keeping track of the process will force me to finish it, and I can hopefully figure out why I'm compelled to do so.
Let's just say I've started. It's easier -- and harder -- than I thought to get rid of things. I started with some fairly tame things, like toiletries and makeup and hair products whatever else gets stashed in my bathroom. But then my well-thought-out process started taking on a life of its own. Like every time I passed my closet, some stray article of clothing yelled "trash me!". The linen closet said "Ugly towels - must go now!" So I grabbed all of that and put it in a pile, and ended up with a bunch of clothes, linens, and random stuff that wasn't even on my list yet for tidying. Down to the charity pile in the basement it went, and back to my process. Kinda. I'm probably going to have to go back and re-purge the closets, but at least the worst offenders have been banished.
As I started nibbling away at my work clothes, it was a weird feeling. Since I'm in the latter stages of my career, I know I'll never need most of this corporate-y crap again. Just a limited number of respectable items along with my casual clothes.
Sitting on the floor with a pile of old business wear has gotten me thinking about my career. Am I happy with what I've done? Am I proud of it? Parts of it, I suppose, which is probably true of most people. I haven't changed the world, climbed far up the ladder, or become a captain of industry. Even become much of an expert in my field, just a competent player. The parts of my career I remember most happily are those that connect to why I started in this profession (healthcare marketing) in the first place. Helping, teaching, connecting, creating, building new things. So when I look at the last parts of my career, I have to figure out how to get back to that again. I well and truly hate the politics and the posturing. I've held my nose and done it (badly, actually) to get to do the things I really want to do. There are many expert politicos in my business, and I certainly don't hold them in disdain; I admire the skill set. But not enough to learn to do it -- politics never offered the rewards I wanted. It's just as well. In my field, it's the young up-and-comer who is better positioned for the political games. Not that we older folks have lost our touch or ability, I don't think. In my case, I just don't want to waste the time any more.
The good thing about getting rid of the corporate costumes is that I can dress more like myself now and still get my job done. A little bit offbeat, a more distinct style. Maybe that will inspire me to be a little bit offbeat in one pants size smaller ... chubby funky sounds pathetic.
I wonder what the last parts of my career should look like -- it occurs to me that the old one doesn't fit any better than the old suits do. And how does a 50-something woman fit in to this business world? Or do I even want to anymore? Something to explore.
What I've learned so far about tidying up:
1) As I suspected, tidying up my stuff is a proxy for tidying up internally. Every night, I'm actually dreaming about cleaning closets. How symbolic is that?
2) Being organized is not the same as tidying up. Tidying up (throwing things away) is much harder than putting it away. Not buying any boxes or containers or organizing paraphernalia. The goal is to trash stuff, not store it more attractively.
3) There are few women over 50 who can wear glittery eye shadow and blue nail polish. I am not one of them. That was the easiest port of the purge.
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